Real Vampires Don't Sparkle
by psycho-rag-doll
Summary: Susie doesn't like Twilight, plain & simple. But then she finds a dead body at a Twilight fanclub meeting, holes in the neck & all. Could vampires really exist in Santa Barbara? Read/review.
1. Chapter 1

Shawn and Gus walked up the path to the Psych office. They noticed a sign sitting in the window. In red letters it read 'No, we don't know when Stephanie Meyer will publish Midnight Sun'.

"Dude," Shawn said. "Who's Stephanie Meyer?"

"I don't know." Gus said. "Apparently an author."

Shawn opened the door and stepped in. "Suze?" he called.

"Yeah?" a voice called from the kitchen.

"What's with the sign?"

Susie stuck her head around the corner. "You have **no** idea how much quieter it is here since I put that up."

"Who's Stephanie Meyer?"

"The author of one of the stupidest book series."

"Is it about Alaska?"

Susie looked at Shawn. "Alaska?"

"Yeah, the whole midnight sun thing…"

"Oh. No, it's about vampires."

"Vampires are cool."

"**Sparkling** vampires."

"Are they gay?"

"I wish."

"So, why is there a sign about a vampire author?"

"Do you know how many sniveling little tween brats I've had come in here, wanting to know if the wonderful psychic could predict when Steph was going to publish her new book, because if they didn't find out they were going to die?"

"They called me wonderful?"

"Shawn."

"I don't know."

"Thirty-five."

"Wow." Shawn looked at the cloud hanging over Susie's head as she talked about this. "You really have an issue with vampires."

"No I don't."

"But you just said--"

"I have a problem with Twilight. I don't have a problem with vampires. I'm a Buffy, Angel and Spike girl instead of a Bella, Edward, Jacob girl, because Buffy's kick-ass."

"So, how many books are there in this Twilight thing?" asked Gus, sitting at his desk.

"Four published, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. The fifth, Midnight Sun, had a few chapters stolen and published online, halting the writing process."

"For someone so against it, you certainly know a lot about it."

Gus sat, looking smug. He thought he'd trapped Susie in a corner, making her admit that she really **did **like Twilight.

Susie propped her chin in her hand. Smiling sweetly, she said, "Gus, do you know how many classes I've had to sit in, listening to the girls squeal 'Edward this' and 'Edward that'? Or how many times I've heard someone whine 'Why can't I do my book report on Twilight?' How about the number of times I've had to resist smacking someone in the face for saying that Twilight is the new Harry Potter? Or the number of Twilight books I've burned?"

Gus looked somewhat uneasy, as if he didn't want to hear the answer. "No." he said.

"Too. Damn. Many." Susie turned and went back into the kitchen as the toaster popped up. "Actually, I've only burned one book. I had to save Monica from getting sucked in."

"Susie," Shawn said, wanting to get her off this subject before she hurt someone. "Where'd you get the toaster?"

"Buzz came and dropped it off. It's a housewarming gift from the Chief, Lassiter and Juliet."

"Really?"

"Don't worry. It's not from evidence. It came with the receipt."

Shawn laughed slightly. Susie handed him a cup of coffee, and toast in hand, headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere sunny. Too many times have I been asked how I got so pale, like Edward." Susie opened the door and stepped out.

"Well." Shawn said, as the door shut. "At least we know what **not** to get Suze for her birthday."



It was a slow day at the office. The three actually finished a game of Monopoly. Shawn and Gus were flipping channels while Susie rummaged around, looking for something.

"Suze," Shawn said. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for my shoe."

"Ah." Shawn sat up and looked behind him. "Why?"

"Because I'm getting ready to leave."

"Where to?"

"A meeting."

"What sort of meeting?"

"I'm not really sure…" Susie said, finally relocating her shoe under the couch, just as there was a knock on the door.

Shawn jumped up and barely beat Susie to the door. He opened it, and wished he hadn't.

Outside was a boy, about Susie's age. His hair was spiked up and there was an industrial piercing in each ear. A choker with a star charm was visible below the open collar of a pink shirt. The green pants matched the boy's eye shadow.

"Hey, Emery. Come on in. I'll just be a minute." Susie said, walking deeper into the office.

The boy stepped in. "Your hair," he said, with a little hand flick towards Shawn. "Is stunning."

"Thanks." Shawn said. Then he turned and followed Susie. He found her in the storage closet, picking a few things out of her purse and putting them in her pockets. "Who's that?" he asked.

"Emery. He's Monica's cousin."

"He's related to Monica?"

"Yeah. She can't really stand him. He's always trying to give her fashion tips."

"And you're going to this 'meeting' with him?"

"Yeah."

"Is it a PFLAG meeting?"

"No, those are on Thursdays."

Shawn shook his head. "Well, at least I don't have to worry about him doing what Skyler did **last** time you went out."

Susie looked at Shawn. "Well, I gotta go. Don't wait up." She walked out to the door, where Emery was standing in all his flaming glory. When she came close enough, Emery grabbed Susie in a huge hug.

"Hey, Emery." she said into his chest. "Ready?"

"Omigosh, yes!" Emery said, releasing Susie. "And your eye shadow's totally cute!"

"Bye, Shawn." Susie said, as Emery dragged her down the path to his car. Shawn watched the two get in, and shut the office door.

"Dude," he said, sitting back in front of the TV. "That was weird."



"So, what's this meeting we're going to?" Susie asked.

"Don't worry, you'll love it. And the people are so nice."

Susie stared out the window, trying not to listen to Emery sing along to the old Savage Garden CD. Soon, they pulled up in front of a nice two story house with a neatly trimmed lawn and well kept flowerbeds. Susie got out of the car with a feeling that she wasn't going to like whatever was on the other side of the front door.

Emery rang the doorbell, and the door opened to reveal a girl, same age as Emery and Susie, with curly blonde hair.

"Hey, girl!" Emery said. "This is one of my b-f-fs, Susie."

"Great!" the girl said. "We're always looking for new members!"

The girl turned and led the other two down the hall. "So, Susie," she said. "What are you interested in?"

"Oh, you know, this and that." Susie said, unsure why that question bugged her somewhat.

"Awesome," said the girl, with no trace of sarcasm. "I'm sure everyone will love you."

'We'll see,' Susie thought.

The girl turned and opened a door to a screened in porch. Inside, there was a group of about fifteen girls, ranging in age from eleven to eighteen.

"Guys," the blonde girl said. "Emery brought a friend. This is Susie."

"Hi, Susie!" the group said.

"Hey." Susie said. Then she noticed what was on the blonde girl's shirt. Then she noticed the rest of the group's shirts. And the walls. And the shelves. Everything was covered in Twilight.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh. My. God." Susie said. She wheeled around to face Emery, who had taken off his pink shirt to reveal a black tank top with the words 'I Love Edward' written in rhinestones. "Emery."

"Yes?"

"What the hell did you bring me here for?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know I hate Twilight."

There was a collaborative gasp from the girls. Emery sighed, and said, "Susie, I just think if you gave it a try--"

"Jesus, Emery. This isn't like you're trying to get me to eat some weird food or something. You're trying to make me join a cult! And for your information, I **have** given it a try! Before it was popular, I tried reading it. And I almost threw up."

"You just don't like vampires." one of the girls said.

Susie shut her eyes. 'Why does everyone think this?' She turned around to the girl, who shrank back just a tad. "I don't have a problem with vampires."

"Yeah, right."

"Dude, I practically worshiped Angel and Spike when Buffy was on air."

There was a silence in the room. The girls stared at Susie, their eyes asking 'Who's Angel?' 'Who's Spike?' 'What's Buffy?' Susie sighed. "I don't have a problem with vampires. I have a problem with Edward. And Bella. And Jacob. And--"

"What's wrong with Edward?" asked the curly haired girl who'd led Susie into this nightmare of a room.

"Uh, everything?" Susie said. "For one, he sparkles."

"So?"

"Real vampires don't sparkle."

"You're just saying that because you've never met one."

'Like you have?' Susie thought. "Hon, the only guys who sparkle are gay." Susie looked over at Emery, who did indeed have glitter on. "Exhibit A." Susie said, holding her hand out towards Emery.

The girls really didn't have a response to this. Susie looked at Emery and said, "I'm outta here."

"Susie!"

Susie walked towards the door, and turned back to the group. "By the way? Buffy would **totally** stake Edward's shiny ass."

Susie walked out of the room and attempted to find her way back to the front door. This house was a maze, and the darkness didn't help. She turned the knob on a door she thought was her way out, but it turned out to be a closet.

'Maybe I took a wrong turn….'

A thump sounded behind the door as Susie shut it. She opened it again and could see something crumpled on the floor. Susie grasped for the light switch. Flipping it up, she saw it was a coat, just as she'd thought. However, it was attached to a body. Susie knelt down and put her hand in front of the body's nose. No air was coming out. And the man's skin had a sort of grey tint to it.

Susie pulled out her cell phone and called the police station. She told them the situation and address and hung up, not giving her name. Just then, the group of girls and Emery came around the corner.

"Susie," the curly haired girl said. "We've decided to forgive you. We think you're angry because you don't understand Twilight. We think—what are you doing?"

"Don't worry, the police are on their way."

"Police? Why--"

At that moment, everyone noticed the dead man. Hands flew to mouths, muffling both gasps and screams.

"Ooh! He's cute!" Emery said.

"And dead." said Susie.

There was a knock on the front door. Susie looked at the girl whose house it was. "Go answer the door."

The girl stood, frozen. "Answer the damn door!" Susie said, getting angry. The girl let out a small noise of surprise and went to the door. Susie looked at the rest of the girls. "Don't touch anything."

Lassiter and Juliet, along with some forensics men walked in. "Alright, what seems to be the—Morrison, what are you doing here?"

"I was brought here against my will." Susie said, noting the fact that Lassiter had used her last name instead of 'girl' or 'hey, you'. Susie felt a warm spot in her heart grow for the detective. Just a little one.

"So, Spencer's not here?"

"I didn't call him."

Lassiter looked slightly happier at this. But it was hard to tell with him. "Alright, what's going on?"

"It's out weekly meeting," the curly haired girl said. "I'm Karen, the president. That's Jana, the vice president--"

"Meeting for what?"

The girls stared at him. "Twilight." Susie felt a 'duh' hanging in the air.

"Really?" asked Juliet. "I love Twilight."

Everyone looked at her. Lassiter, because he didn't know what Twilight was. Susie, because she was disgusted that a cool person like Juliet would like Twilight. The girls, because they were surprised that an adult could like Twilight. And Emery, because he liked her blouse.

"So, who found the body/" Lassiter asked.

"I did." Susie said.

"Of course." Lassiter said.

"Hey, guys." Shawn said, coming up to the group, Gus following him. "What's going on?"

"I thought you didn't call him." Lassiter said.

"I didn't." Susie said.

"I didn't need to be called. I felt the anguish, and the spirits told me that somewhere, I was needed."

"And the spirits gave you the address?" asked Juliet.

"No, the police scanner did." Shawn looked up. "Susie, what are you doing here?"

"Feeling nauseated."

"From the body?"

"From the Twilight hellhole I'm in."

"You don't like vampires?" asked Juliet, surprised. Susie seemed like the type to her. Juliet could just see Susie dressing up as a vampire for Halloween.

Susie turned and stepped away from the group, shaking her head. This was unbelievable.

"Susie likes vampires," Shawn said, noticing the puncture wounds in the dead man's neck. "Which is good."

"Spencer, this is a crime scene. Her liking vampires has nothing to do with this case."

"Oh, this man begs to differ."

"Excuse me?"

"That's what killed him."

"What?"

"A vampire."

Susie turned and looked at Shawn. A vampire? There was a twitter of conversation from the group of girls. "Oh my God! A vampire! Edward!" Susie turned to Lassiter. "Lassiter, may I please borrow your gun?"

Lassiter looked at Susie, scared of the sugar-sweet voice and smile she was using. "Why?" he asked, cautiously.

"So I can shoot them."

Shawn put a hand on Susie's arm and pulled her towards him. "We'll see you guys later."

"Spencer, she's a witness. She needs to be questioned."

"Right. So we'll bring her to the station tomorrow."

Before Lassiter could say anything, Shawn was dragging Susie down the hall.

"You realize Lassiter could say you're harboring a suspect, right? I mean, he probably thinks Susie did it." Gus asked.

"Suze, did you kill that guy?" asked Shawn.

"No."

"There. Problem solved."



"I told you. I don't know who it was. I just found him in the closet."

The sun shone into the interrogation room. "Why were you at that house?" Lassiter asked.

"Because that's what friends do. They take your keys when you're drunk, and they go to meetings when you ask them to."

"You said you hated Twilight. So why were you there?"

"Emery didn't tell me what the meeting was for."

"Emery?"

"The only guy at the meeting."

"Oh." Lassiter's memory re-played him the… experience of questioning Emery. "He said my tie didn't match my belt."

"Yeah, he does that." Susie paused. "So, can I go?"

Lassiter nodded, and Susie got up and walked out. She found Shawn and Gus at Juliet's desk.

"Hey," Shawn said. "So, how'd it go?"

"Well, I'm not in jail."

Shawn turned to Juliet. "So, can I have the case file now?"

"I have to wait for Lassiter to put Susie's testimony in it. You know that."

"Well, that's stupid." Susie said.

"Susie, its police procedure."

"That doesn't mean it's not stupid. You could ask me the questions yourself at the office. Where I live. Remember?"

"You could change your answers."

"Are you saying you don't trust me? That hurts."

Shawn turned back to Juliet. "So, whatdya say, Jules? Please?"

Juliet sighed. "Fine." she said, handing the file over. "But I'm sending Lassiter to you when he gets in his fit of rage."

Shawn shrugged. "Fair enough," he said as the three left.


	3. Chapter 3

"So," Shawn said back at the office. "We've got a vampire on our hands."

"Shawn, don't say that." Gus said.

"But dude, that's what we have! The guy had holes in his neck and everything."

"Probably from an ice pick."

Shawn and Gus turned to Susie, who was sitting on the couch, a bowl of salad in her hands.

"What?" asked Shawn.

"Look, if there were no plastic filings found in the wounds, then it wouldn't have been made by plastic fangs that had been sharpened. No matter how clean you make them, there are still going to be little pieces coming off. So, they probably used an ice pick."

"Susie, where'd you get that idea?"

"I've decorated haunted houses before." The two men stared at her. She shook her head. "You make a head out of paper maché, put clay on it to make it look fleshy, puncture the neck with an ice pick, put a little fake blood around the holes, then put the head on a mannequin or something. And voila, vamp victim."

"You never cease to amaze me." Shawn said. "Do you have a pair of fangs and a cape?"



The Chief, Lassiter and Juliet were all standing around the dead man in the morgue.

"Well," the doctor said. "I've completed a full autopsy. And the results were--"

At that moment, Shawn darted into the morgue, cape covering the lower part of his face. "I vant to suck your blood…" he said, lowering the cape to show the plastic fangs in his mouth.

"Spencer, get out." Lassiter said.

"C'mon, Lassie, we're on the same side." Shawn turned to the doctor. "So, whatcha got?"

"This is Derek Miller, age twenty. Cause of death, most likely the severing of the main artery in the neck, done so by a sharp object of some sort…"

"Did you find any plastic in the wounds?" Shawn asked.

"Plastic? No, why would there be plastic--"

Shawn put his hand on the dead man's neck. "This man was not killed by a vampire, even one with plastic fangs, such as I have…"

"Thanks so much." Lassiter said. "Now leave."

"I see snow… and it's cold… no, snow is not the focal point… it's what's under the snow… on a pond…."

"Ice?" asked Juliet.

"Yes! Ice…" Shawn took his hand off Derek's neck. "This man was stabbed with an ice pick."

"That's actually very reasonable." The doctor said. "The point would be sharp enough… given enough force…."

"Anything else?" the Chief asked.

"Yes." said the doctor. "Drug screen shows massive amounts of tranquilizers, which would have stopped this man's heart, or at least slowed it to almost nothing."

"Tranquilizers?" Shawn asked. "Where would someone get those?"

"In this case, probably a veterinary clinic. They were dog tranquilizers."

"Thank you, doctor." said the Chief. She turned to her detectives. "O'Hara, I want you to do a check in the system for Derek Miller. See if we have any other information on him. Lassiter, you call the girls from the meeting and see if any of them knew Mr. Miller. Or if any of their parents are vets. Mr. Spencer," the Chief turned to Shawn. "Go… do whatever it is you do."

"Will do, Chief." Shawn put the cape back up to his face and darted out of the room.



Back at the Psych office, Shawn shared the information he'd gotten from the morgue with Gus and Susie. "You were spot on with that ice pick thing."

"Thanks," Susie said. "So, a guy gets loaded up with dog tranquilizers, stabbed in the neck with an ice pick, and shoved into a closet at a Twilight fan club meeting." Susie bit her lower lip. "What did you say the guy's name was?"

"Derek Miller."

"Right. Miller…"

"Did you know him?"

"I don't know. That name sounds familiar…" Susie stopped. "Wait. Derek Miller..."

Shawn watched as Susie grabbed her cell from the table and hit speed dial. "What was the name of the guy at the clinic?" she asked when someone picked up on the other end. "Yes, the tall one." She paused. "Thanks." She said, hanging up.

Susie looked at Shawn. "Derek Miller worked at the vet's office on 10th Street."

"How do you know?"

"I took Monica's guinea pig there when it swallowed a marble. Derek was really nice. Good with animals, too."

"Well, we should pay a visit to the vet, then." Shawn said.

"Shawn, we can't just walk into a vet's office without a pet of some sort. That would look weird."

"Well, I know where we can get a guinea pig." Susie said.



Ten minutes later, Shawn, Gus and Susie entered the vet's office, Monica's guinea pig in hand. Shawn walked up to the desk.

"Hi. We think something's wrong with…"

"Cocoa." Susie said, holding the guinea pig up so the lady could see it.

"Sign in and then have a seat," the lady said, nodding towards the sheet in front of them. Shawn picked up the pen and scribbled something down.

The three sat down in the plastic chairs. Shawn looked around the room. There were only a few other people waiting to see the vet. Shawn noted the pictures on the walls. Happy people with cats and dogs. 'Probably not even clients here.' he thought. Then he noticed a plaque hanging near the front desk. It was a list of employees of the month. Out of the fifteen months listed, Derek Miller claimed thirteen.

"Dude," Shawn said. "Derek was employee of the month. A lot."

"You think the other workers killed him out of jealousy?" asked Gus.

"They'd know how much of a tranquilizer could stop your heart." Susie said.

Shawn looked around and spotted a door marked 'Employees Only'. The lady at the desk was paying no attention whatsoever to the people in the waiting room. "Gus, come on. Let's go."

"Go where?"

"To Narnia." Shawn looked at Gus. "Where do you think?" He nodded towards the door.

"Shawn, that says it's for employees only. We can't go in there."

"You guys are employees." Susie said. "Just not here."

"Loophole." Shawn said, getting up and heading towards the door.

"He's going to get in so much trouble." Gus said.

"Someone needs to go with him." Susie said.

"Knock yourself out."

"Okay," Susie said. She placed Cocoa on Gus's lap. "Be back soon."

"Susie, get this thing off of me."

"Well, I can't very well take him with me."

"I'm going. Just get it off."

Susie smiled slightly and gently picked the guinea pig up. Gus practically flew out of the chair and sprinted towards Shawn.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"Just open the door." Gus said.

Shawn checked once again to make sure no one was watching, and pushed the door open. There was a small, dim lit hallway, with another door at the end. Shawn opened that door and walked into a room with numerous cages filled with all sorts of animals.

"Dude," Shawn said, looking into the cages. "What do you think about getting a couple prairie dogs for the office?"

"Shawn, don't put your fingers in the cages."

At that moment, a girl came around the corner of the far end of the room. "Excuse me. Who are you?"

Shawn walked towards the girl. "My name is Patrick McGrekin. This is Bobby 'Bamboo Shoots' Claires. We're friends of Derek Miller."

"Well, he's not here. He hasn't come to work for a few days."

"Well, that's depressing." Shawn said. "Guess you won't get to hold them after all," he said to Gus.

"I'm sorry?" said the girl.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just that Derek said that if we came, he'd let Bobby hold some of the snakes."

The girl looked at them. "Come on, then." She said, turning and walking away.

"Where are we going?"

"I feel bad that you came and Derek's not here." She took out a key ring and began flipping through the keys. Then she stopped in front of a walk-in cage and put a key in the lock. She walked in and took the lid off one of the aquariums. She lifted a snake, about seven inches long out of the tank and came back out. "Here you go," she said, placing the snake in Gus's arms. "That's Jane. She's a python."

Gus stood there, trying not to scream, and trying to look like this is exactly what he wanted to be doing. He was going to kill Shawn for this.

"Is that a new security camera?" Shawn asked, pointing at the camera bolted to the wall. There wasn't any dust on it, and he could see a small spot on the wall where the old camera had been.

The girl looked up. "Yeah, we had to get a new system after the break-in a few days ago."

"Break-in? Was anything taken?"

The girl nodded. "A few IVs, some tranquilizers, some surgical supplies…"

"Did you get any footage of the guy?"

"No. The perp stayed hidden."

"Hm. Well, Bobby and I should probably get going. Sorry to have bothered you." Turning, Shawn saw Jan the python curled on Gus's shoulder, tongue flicking towards his face.

"She likes you," the girl said with a smile. She carefully lifted the snake off Gus and put it back in its tank. Shawn and Gus made their way back to the waiting room.

"I am going to kill you." Gus said.

"Oh, hush."

They found Susie sitting where they'd left her, absentmindedly petting the guinea pig. "Find anything?" she asked when they came up.

"There were some tranquilizers stolen a few days ago, along with some other stuff, probably as cover-up."

Susie nodded. "So, are you going to go tell Lassiter?"

Shawn nodded, and Gus practically ran out of the clinic.


	4. Chapter 4

Shawn burst into the Chief's office. "Chief!" he said. "I'm getting something big about the vampire victim!"

"Is that a guinea pig?" asked Juliet.

"Yes. Cocoa is the key element in this."

"What, the guinea pig killed Derek Miller?" asked Lassiter in a sarcastic voice.

"No. Cocoa is--" Shawn suddenly bent his head towards the guinea pig. "What's that? You say you're in contact with Derek?" Shawn held the guinea pig so that its forehead was touching his. "Derek… worked with animals… he worked with little Cocoa… at the 10th street vet clinic…"

"He worked for a vet? Do you think maybe he took the tranquilizers? To sell on the street or something?" asked Juliet.

"There was a robbery." Shawn said, guinea pig still in his face. "But the perp wasn't seen…"

"Was it Derek?"

"No. It was--" Shawn pulled the rodent away from his face. "I've… lost him…"

"Lassiter, you and O'Hara go to the clinic. Talk to all the employees, ask about the robbery." said the Chief. "Thank you, Mr. Spencer."

"It was mostly Cocoa." Shawn said. He put his finger under Cocoa's front leg and made him wave to the group.



Meanwhile, Susie was outside, leaning against Gus's car while he made some business calls regarding Central Coast. Susie was staring off into space when she noticed a familiar green car. She glanced at Gus, making sure he was involved with his work, and headed over.

The passenger window was down, and Susie crept up and stuck her head in. "Hey, Emery." she said.

"Ohmigosh, Susie. You scared me."

"I have that effect on people."

Emery unlocked the car, and Susie took this as an invitation to get in. She closed the door and looked at Emery. "What are you doing here?"

"Is it illegal to sit in your car?"

"No, but it looks kinda weird when you're out in front of the police station. With binoculars."

"Shut up." Emery put the field glasses back to his eyes.

Susie followed his line of vision to a window with the blinds up. She quickly oriented herself with the floor plan of the station. "Are you spying on Lassiter?"

"That's Detective Lassiter to you."

"Emery, he's gonna be pissed when he finds out."

"He's not going to find out."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No." Emery turned to Susie. "Wait. Do you know him?"

"Well, it's not like we hang out or anything." Susie said. "But… wait. Emery… Oh my God. You like him."

"You can't deny that he's attractive. And he has handcuffs."

"Emery, he's like, forty."

"So?"

"You're nineteen."

"Age has nothing to do with love. But I do like older men."

Susie laughed slightly. "Em, Lassie's not gay."

"But he doesn't have a ring."

"Because he and his wife got a divorce, which he doesn't like talking about, so don't mention it."

"I would be so lucky as to talk to him again."

"There's an easy way to do that."

"What?"

"Commit a crime."

"Susie. Can't you get me in there?"

"Emery, drop it. Nothing's ever going to happen between you and Lassiter." Susie noticed Shawn coming out of the station. She opened the car door. "I gotta go. You probably should, too."

"Five more minutes."

Susie rolled her eyes and got out of the car. She walked back to Gus's car. "So, did you tell them?" she asked Shawn.

"Yeah, with a little help from Cocoa." Shawn said, handing him back to Susie.

"Did they have any new information?"

"No. But Jules's e-mail me anything she feels we need to know."

Susie nodded. "So, now what?"

Shawn looked at Gus, who was still on the phone. "Let him get back to his other job. You and I can go over the case file, see if we missed something."



Two hours later, Shawn wheeled over to his desk as his laptop alerted him he had received an e-mail. "It's from Jules." he said to Susie.

"Anything new?"

Shawn opened the e-mail. "None of the girls knew Derek. And the security tape from the vet didn't show anything helpful."

"Well, that sucks."

At that moment, Gus came into the office. "Did you get an e-mail from Juliet?"

"Yeah. Nothing helpful, though."

"Shawn, what do you have on your face?"

"Oh, Suze and I were doing facials. Want one?"

"No."

"Fine. Be that way."

"You look stupid with that stuff on your face."

"Stupid is as stupid does." said Susie.

"Dude, she just went Forrest Gump on your ass."

"That makes no sense."

"Does it have to?"

"Look, I'm going home to finish some paperwork for my job. Do you need a ride?"

"Yeah, let's go."

"Aren't you going to wash your face?"

"I still have five minutes before I can do that."

"Great."



The next morning, Shawn and Gus found Susie sitting on the roof. "What are you doing?" Shawn asked.

"There's a girl in the office. She wants to talk to you. Her name's Amanda."

"So… why are you on the roof?"

"She's one of the unmentionables."

Shawn followed Gus into the office. There was indeed a girl in there. "Amanda?" he asked.

The girl turned. "Oh, wow, you really **are** psychic."

Shawn noticed the girl's shirt and saw why Susie was on the roof. "Twilight fan, are you?"

"Oh, yes! Edward is amazing."

"Well, we don't know when the new book is coming out--"

"No, I know that. I saw the sign. I came to talk to you about Derek Miller."

"Were you at the meeting where they found him?"

"Yes."

"But the police said that no one at the meeting knew him." Gus said.

"We all lied."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because Karen told us to."

"The president of the club?" asked Shawn.

"Wow. Yes."

Shawn looked at Gus. Everyone had lied? "Why did Karen tell you to lie?"

Amanda looked like she wasn't sure she should tell him. "She used to date him. And she didn't want to look like she killed him, since they were thinking of breaking up. So she told us all to lie. But I can't stand it anymore. I had to tell someone, even someone who probably already knew."

"You mean a psychic." The girl nodded. "Well, you're right. I knew they were dating. And I also sensed you guys were lying about knowing Derek. But you did the right thing, telling us."

"Am I going to get in trouble?"

"No."

"Oh, thank God. Thank you very much, Mr. Spencer."

With that, the girl left the office. A few moments later, Susie walked in. "Did she have anything valuable to say?"

"They all knew Derek?"

"All of them?" Shawn nodded. "So, they all lied to the police."

"Pretty much, yeah."

Susie shook her head. "Well, you'd better go tell Lassiter."

"You don't wanna come?"

"No. I have to disinfect the office."

"Disinfect the office?" asked Gus.

"There are Twilight germs in here."

Shawn nodded, and he and Gus went out to Gus's car. "I've got a better idea," Shawn said. "Let's go to Karen's house first."

"To verify Amanda's story?"

"Exactly."

So Gus drove to the house where Derek's body had been found. The two got out of the car and went to the front door. Shawn rang the doorbell.

Karen answered the door. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Shawn Spencer, head psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department--"

"I've already told the police everything I know."

"Yes, but you haven't told them what I know." Karen looked at Shawn, confusion on her face. "I know that you dated Derek Miller, and that you told all the girls to lie about knowing him."

The confusion turned to horror. "Come in." Karen stepped back to allow the two men into her house.

Once inside, Shawn looked around. It seemed that Karen's parents were gone, probably at work. Shawn looked at Karen. He noticed the faint redness to her eyes, showing she'd been crying. "You miss him."

"Wouldn't you?" Karen asked.

"But he was going to break up with you.

"Don't remind me."

"So, you didn't want to appear like you had motive." Gus said.

"I loved him. But the police wouldn't care about that. They wouldn't understand. Especially that one with the scary eyes."

"Lassiter?" Shawn asked. True, he wouldn't understand.

"Mr. Spencer, please believe me. Yes, I told all the girls to lie about knowing Derek, but I would never kill him."

Shawn looked at Karen. "I believe you." He honestly couldn't see her killing Derek. "Look, I have a feeling the police will want to talk to you again. You need to tell them you lied. You need to tell them why. I'm sure they'll understand. Especially the blonde one."

Karen nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Spencer." She opened the door and Shawn and Gus went back to the car. Shawn took out his phone and dialed a number.

"Lassiter."

"Lassie! It's Shawn."

"What do you want, Spencer?"

"I'm getting a very strong feeling of negativity. I think the girls all lied about knowing Derek Miller."

"I knew it. There was something suspicious about them… especially that guy…'

"Look, ask Karen about it. She's the president of the club. I have a feeling she'll have some information for you." Shawn hung up.

"I thought we were going to the station." Gus said.

"Dude, its half-priced day at Pepe's Taco Stand."

Without another word, Gus drove off.


	5. Chapter 5

Later that night, Shawn went back to the office. "Hey, Suze," he said. "I just came back to get my cell phone charger. You know how my dad and Gus are always getting on me about having my phone charged."

There was a chill in the office. "Suze, did you turn the air on?" Shawn realized Susie hadn't said a word this whole time. "Susie?"

Turning, Shawn saw that the big Psych window had been shattered. 'Not again,' he thought to himself. He walked over and saw the rock that had been used to break the glass, which was all over the floor.

Trying not to think the worst, Shawn did a quick search of the office. Susie was the only thing missing. Shawn went outside to see if he could find any evidence as to who had done this. There was half a footprint near the window, but it was made by a Converse. Half of Santa Barbara wore Converse, including Shawn and Susie.

Shawn took a deep breath. Maybe Susie had gone somewhere and the break-in happened after she'd left. He got on his motorcycle and drove off. A few minutes later, he pulled up in front of Monica's house.

She answered the door when he knocked. "Mr. Spencer," she said. "What are you--"

"Is Susie here?"

"No, why?"

"No reason." Shawn turned to leave.

"Is everything okay?"

"Someone broke into the office." With that, Shawn got back on his bike and drove off. His next stop was his dad's. Shawn let himself in and listened. Neither the washer nor the dryer was going, shooting down his hope that Susie was over here doing laundry.

Henry walked in at that moment. "Shawn, what are you doing here?"

"Just stopped by to say hi. So, hi." Shawn turned to the door.

"Something wrong, Shawn?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know, the fact that you sneak into my house at this time of night."

"Dad, its 8:15. And I didn't sneak. I used my key this time."

"Shawn.

"Dad, everything's fine. Really. I'll see you later." Before Henry could say another word, Shawn was out the door.

Shawn got back on his bike and just drove, no real destination. Where could Susie be? He drove past the police station. Glancing over, Shawn saw Lassiter's car in the parking lot. Shawn made a quick turn and pulled in. He tried not to run into the building. He saw Juliet sitting at her desk.

"Hey, Shawn." she said. "You were right. Karen **did** know Derek, as did all the girls. Turns out, Karen dated him."

"Have you seen Susie?"

"No. Why?"

"There was a break-in at the office and she's not there."

"You think she was kidnapped?"

"I don't know."

"Have you tried calling her?"

Shawn quickly pulled his cell phone out and hit speed dial. A few moments later, Shawn hung up. "No answer."

"I'm sorry, Shawn. But you know we can't do anything until she's been gone forty-eight hours."

"Yeah. But who knows? Maybe she's just out on the beach taking pictures." But Shawn knew this wasn't true. He'd seen Susie's camera sitting in the closet when he'd searched the office.



A few miles away, Susie was waking up to a strange buzzing sound. 'What is that?' she asked herself. Groggily, she opened her eyes. She turned her head towards the noise, which was coming from the table beside her. She lifted a cloth from the table just as the noise stopped. Under the cloth was Susie's phone. Picking it up, she saw that Shawn had just called.

Susie was about to call him back when she heard the sound of someone putting a key in the lock. She put her phone back on the table and covered it. Then she took in her surroundings. She was in a large, concrete room, like a basement or a garage. She was tied to a chair by her waist. Why her hands and feet weren't tied, Susie didn't know.

At that moment, the door opened. The person walked in and Susie could see who it was. "Jana?" she said.

"Morning, Susie. Hope you don't mind I left. I had to get more rope for your hands." Jana moved towards the back of the chair.

"You really don't have to do that. It's not like I'm going to call Shawn or anything. I don't even have my phone."

"Yeah, I took it. But I'd feel better if your hands were tied."

"I suppose you know best." Susie said. She was quiet while Jana tied her hands behind her. "So, where are we? Your basement?"

Jana snorted. "Does this really look like a basement? No, we're in a storage warehouse unit."

"Oh, like the ones on Periwell Street?"

"Except we're on Ivy Street."

"I see. And this is number, what, thirteen?"

"Forty-seven."

"That's a nice number." Susie watched as Jana started working on something in the corner. "So, why'd you kill Derek?"

Jana paused. "Why do you think I killed him?"

"Why else would I be here? You think we're getting too close, so you take me so I'll tell you how much we know. And then you'll kill me, to throw everyone off. Plus," Susie said. "There's a bloody ice pick on the table over there."

"So?"

"So why'd you kill him?"

"Because he's a liar. And a dick."

"Most guys are."

Jana turned and looked at Susie. "I was friends with him for years. And he always said he didn't like Twilight."

"Oh my God. You killed him for that?"

"Shut up. I took him to one of our meetings, to see if I could change his mind. The next week, he said he **wanted** to go to the meeting. Turns out, he wanted to go because of Karen." Jana's face darkened. "They started dating, even though she knew I liked him. She always did that, you know. Taking what was rightfully mine."

"Like what?"

"I'm the one who got her into Twilight. I'm the one who suggested we start a fan club. I'm the one who introduced her to Derek. She took my rightful place as club president and as Derek's girlfriend."

"So, why not kill Karen?"

"Because I wanted her to suffer. If I can't have Derek, neither can she. But don't worry. She's my next target."

"You'd kill your friend over a boy? God, you're more stupid than I thought."

Jana lunged at Susie, ice pick in hand. Susie tried to remain calm, which is hard to do with an ice pick pointed at your throat. After a few seconds, Jana pulled it away, but not after dragging it across Susie's neck, leaving a big scratch. "I can't kill you yet."

"Why, is there a certain time appropriate for killing?"

"You haven't given me the information I want."

Susie was quiet for a few moments, and Jana went back to her work, thinking Susie was collecting her thoughts to tell her what she wanted to know.

"You know, I don't get it." Susie said. "You loved Derek, and then you killed him. And then, you're going to kill your friend over said dead guy--"

"She's not my friend." Jana said. "And don't talk about Derek like that."

"Like what? Like how he's cold and dead now, and can never love you?"

"Shut up."

"Are you hoping he'll turn into a vampire, and dazzle you with his sparkle, like your pathetic Edward?"

"At least Edward isn't all self-wallowing over some chick," Jana said. "Like Angel."

Susie was surprised that a Twilighter knew of Angel. "At least Angel can kick-ass."

Jana slammed her hands on the table. "Do you **never** shut up?"

"Hardly ever."

Jana picked up the ice pick again. "Fine. Then allow me to help you with that problem." She held the point to Susie's neck. "Bye, Susie. Say hi to Lucifer for me."

"Really? That's original."

Jana was just breaking the skin when the door burst open and in ran Lassiter, Juliet, Shawn and a few other officers.

"Drop it," Lassiter said, gun trained on Jana. She slowly dropped her arm and let the ice pick fall to the floor. Lassiter motioned with his head, and a few officers moved towards her.

They were almost there when Jana dipped down and pulled a small knife from her ankle. There was a small scuffle, but the officers managed to wrestle it away from her. Cuffs were placed on her wrists. "Jana Whitmore, you're under arrest for the murder of Derek Miller, and the attempted murder of Susie Morrison." Lassiter said as she was led away.

Shawn and Juliet went over to Susie. Seeing the blood on Susie's neck, Juliet shouted, "Call paramedics." Then she and Shawn began to untie Susie.

Susie was shaky standing up, but tried to hide it. She leaned on Shawn and they walked out to the ambulance.

All the paramedics rushed over to her and forced her to sit. After examining, they found Susie only had a small hole in her neck, not life threatening at all. They cleaned it and put a bandage on it.

When they were done, Shawn handed Susie her phone. "Here," he said, sitting next to her.

"How…"

"I figured it was under the cloth, so I grabbed it before we came out. That was smart of you to call."

"Thank God for voice commands on cell phones."

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. My neck's a little sore, but they say it won't scar too badly."

"How did she get you?" Shawn asked after a few moments.

"I don't know. I remember being in the office, and hearing the window breaking, but…"

Juliet walked up. "We just found a bottle of chloroform. She must have used it on you, Susie. But you must have put up a fight. Jana has bruises and bite marks on her skin…" She paused. "Is there anything you need?"

"I'm a big fan of sleep at the moment." Susie said.

Shawn looked up as Lassiter approached. "Lass, can you take us back to the office?"

Lassiter looked at Susie, and nodded, and everyone went to his car. On the drive back, Susie fell asleep, Shawn's shoulder as her pillow.


	6. Epilouge

*Two Weeks Later*

Susie woke up to the sound of a key in the lock. She looked up and saw Shawn and Gus enter the office. "What are you guys doing here so early?" she asked, sitting up.

"We're here to take you to breakfast." Shawn said, tousling Susie's hair. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed her a box wrapped in green paper. "Happy Birthday, Suze."

Susie smiled and began to take the paper off. Inside the box was a book. Susie looked at Shawn. "Really?" she said. "Twilight?"

"Oh, you haven't changed your mind about it after being around all those die-hard fans?" Shawn asked. He laughed at Susie's death stare he was receiving. "Kidding. After that case, I see why you hate them so much. That book's actually for starting the bonfire."

"Bonfire?"

"Yeah. We're having a bonfire down on the beach tonight to celebrate you turning seventeen."

Susie smiled. "Thanks, Shawn." She got off the bed and went to get dressed. When she came back, Shawn and Gus led her to the car and took her to one of their favorite little restaurants. They sat in a corner booth, and Shawn even had the waitresses sing to Susie when they brought the Belgium waffles to the table. She was embarrassed, but liked it all the same.

That night, Shawn started the bonfire with Susie's new Twilight book sitting on top of the wood. Susie snapped a picture, to remember this moment forever. The fire started to grow, and the people started to arrive. Soon, everyone was there; Shawn, Gus, Henry, Monica, Emery, the Chief, Juliet, Buzz, and even Lassiter. There was plenty of food, all vegetarian-friendly and made by Henry. Monica had brought a CD player, and even allowed Emery to play a CD of his choice. She and Susie drew the line when he started to strip. Everyone was having a good time. Well, mostly everyone. Lassiter looked a little uptight. But when didn't he?

Susie came up to Shawn, who was sitting on the picnic table that had been holding all the food, which was gone now. "Hey," he said. "Having a good time?"

"Shawn, this is amazing. Thank you."

Shawn smiled and brought out a large box. He handed it to Susie. "This is your real present. Nothing involving Twilight. I promise."

Susie smiled and opened the box. Inside was a large, round, plastic object. She picked it up, and noticed the smaller wrapped packages under it. She looked at the object in her hands. "A helmet?" she said, confused.

"So you can ride on my bike with me. Just don't tell my dad. He'll probably flip…"

"Shawn. Thank you."

"I can get it in another color if you want…"

"No, Shawn. Really. This is perfect." Susie put the helmet in the box and hugged Shawn.

"Happy Birthday." he said.

At that moment, everyone else came up, singing 'Happy Birthday'. Susie turned around and saw Henry holding a cake with eighteen candles. When the song ended, she closed her eyes and blew them all out, with a little help from Shawn. Everyone clapped, and rushed forward to get some cake.

After everyone was done with their cake, Susie set up her camera on her tripod and everyone gathered in front of the fire. Susie pushed the timer, and ran back to the group. The camera flashed, capturing one of the best nights Susie had ever had.


End file.
